Wednesday, October 12, 2011

I'm Here, Now What?

Nobody tells me anything these days!  I had to find out through the local news that today was National Coming Out day.  Now I have to wait a whole year.  Oh well, I'll get over it, I did however, almost give my blog address to my sister and a close friend, so that's got to count for something right?  Or not, moving on.

Today was my return to full activity.  I'm still sick, but I couldn't afford to miss anymore school and work.  It wasn't all bad though, my friend took me out for soup for dinner and then my sister brought over more soup.  During both soup encounters I was chastised for not telling them that I was sick, apparently there is some social memo I missed that states, "one will alert the presses and concerned parties when one is infirmed."  Yep, missed that one, sorry friends.  But it did help me realize today, that I have great friends.  I really wish the could read this blog and know how much I appreciate them, it's kind of nice to have someone care about you.  Which brings me to my next point.

So in a moment of boredom I found myself editing the style of my blog, which forced me to reread my subtitle.  This reminded me I started this blog to share my perspective on things, particularly things that affect gay BYU students.  So with out further ramblings the following is my perspective on dating guys/having a boyfriend/kissing etc etc etc while going to BYU.

Technically should you do it?  No, the Honor Code says so.  But I go on man-dates all the time with my buds and have a good time.  So why not go on a man-date with a man that happens to be gay?  So let's just not call it a date and we are good.  Personally I don't see anything wrong with this, honestly I wish it happened to me once or twice.  So what happens when you go on a dates and start to like the individual.  That's where it gets tough, is holding hands and kissing boys against the honor code?  Very much so.  So what do I think?  Well. . . this is a tough question that requires some tough love.  The honorable side of me says, no this is not ok, because you signed an agreement when you came to this university to live your life in harmony with the gospel.  However, the lonely side of me may think technically I'm not breaking in commandments, so what's the big deal.  If he makes me happy, why not?  I think this is a personal endeavor and if you decide to walk that path you better have had a solid conversation with the man upstairs, because you're going to need a foundation of decision to walk on later.  I feel if this is a conclusion you came to following your admittance to BYU you need to keep it low-key and within reason, because the environment of BYU is not one for you to disrespect.  The university has no obligation to you or your choices if you choose to disobey the rules.  So if you do decided to follow this path, don't expect the way to be easy.  If you have made the decision to date men prior to coming to BYU I believe you should not come at all.  You will be intentionally deceiving people from the start, and that is never an easy place to be.

I make the distinction between making the decision before or after coming BYU because I feel those of us who have recognized what being gay means and what role it may play in our life after coming to BYU should not have to switch schools, majors, jobs, or whatever else you have found for yourself because of this new life development.  But, never should any student disrespect the gospel standards this institution stands for, that is being extremely selfish on your part.  BYU has much to offer gay members of the church and  we should take advantage of it while we are here, those who graduated BYU will bless the lives of many gay or straight.


  1. It is beyond me why anyone would know they're gay and still choose to go to BYU. I went and I can say that the down side most certainly outweighs the up side for the young gay person. Never should anyone feel they have to compromise who they are so they can get an education. As for the gospel side of it all, there is always institute. DANGER! DO NOT ENTER!

  2. Hmmm. I disagree. I made many friends and created quite a few good relationships without "compromising" who I was. Who I am doesn't revolve solely around being gay. In fact, I am a person who likes to play and watch sports (just returned from MLS game, tonight). I am a person who is employed by one of the largest banks in the world. I am a consultant who works with dozens of the largest companies in the US. I am a loving brother, uncle, cousin, friend to many. The list can go on.

    On a side note, I met quite a few people at BYU who were gay. Some of them are now out and proud. Others are locked away deep in the closet. A few are married to women with families. Some are actually championing (literally) the gay cause, in Utah, other States, and outside the U.S.

    The best part is that we get to know WHO we are and then become comfortable with ourselves. Then, maybe, if we have time or even care, we can worry about what Brandon and others think we should be and do.