My reluctancy towards coming-out is attached firmly to the reaction I'm sure to receive from my friends. Here is my unique reason (perhaps it's not unique but I have yet to discover someone who also feels, or has felt this way). Naturally I'm concerned about my family's response to me being gay. However, their grief and surprise will come from religious beliefs and traditions not the fact that i'm interrupting the social norm, and I'm ok with that, I enjoy disrupting normality. I worry far less about distant friends, and church acquaintances stumbling upon my true feelings. But the real stressor in my life comes from my closest friends. Now, I can appreciate them thinking I've abandoned the great-ship-zion, and I would do my best to calm their fears and assure them I have a dingy waiting below. But what I can not handle is the perception change that I believe will follow. I wish I had sufficient hope to convince myself this wont happen but in my mind it seems inevitable. Some of you may be thinking, "well they are not very good friends if they think differently of you." This is true. I'm confident they will still love me and spend time with me, but said time, will not be the same as it is today.
To clarify and give meaning to the title of this post. Brad Paisley sings a song entitled I'm Still a Guy wherein he reminds his girlfriend that despite his lapses in manliness when it comes to love, he is still a guy and that will never change. I concur. Giddiness pounces me occasionally when I have a crush or prospect of a mutual attraction but I always revert to my guy ways. Yes I like the outdoors, yes I like guns, yes I like violence, motorcycles, skiing, hunting, cars, tools, and a whole array of manly hobbies and skills, but, news flash, being GAY wont change that. But in the eyes of my best friend my manly status will fall. This is a big deal! We have manly mantages (male personified montage) frequently.
So this is my SOS to my faithful 6 followers. You are all champions in my book. What say ye?
P.S. If you fell prey to insomnia last night and found yourself at my blog you may notice now, the post I wrote late last night has been removed. I took it down for further editing, you can expect it soon. It will be worth the delay.