Like a good BYU student I go to church every week. I have a calling and do my home-teaching. But I just have to say my ward is special and the demographics are odd. We have an assortment of houses and small apartment complexes which produce an older than average ward. Which leaves us with those people who, 1-don't care about marriage (usually engineers) 2-the special spirits or 3-desperate elders, and that about sums it up.
I have mixed feelings about church that surface every week. Now understand I always go to church but sometimes I'm a little more excited then other days. I love to teach, so it's usually the days that I teach that i'm excited to go. Today however was a mixture of the two. Last night I had a barrage of guilty feelings flow through my subconscious. Before I knew it I was quoting scriptures to myself and could hear the voices of general authorities echoing through my head reminding me that being gay was not allowed, natural, or possible. And all those who participated in homosexual activity were in serious trouble with the big man. So I was left alone wide-eyed in my apartment thinking, "self we're in big trouble, yep, big trouble." So even though I got to teach today I had the rubble of last nights mental D-day washing up on the shores of my inner sanctum. Luckily I have spent years training my little brain minions to comb the beaches and throw those thoughts back into to sea to re-shore at a later date hoping that reinforcements have arrived prior.
It is difficult to sit through a meeting where everything reminds you of how wrong your thoughts are and what serious sins being gay can potentially produce. But I do, I sit there, I let them say it and then I move on hoping it will all make sense some day. But lets look on the bright side, at least I have been blessed with having no good looking guys in my ward right?
Anyway, I learned today that our character is what will be pulled up on the big screen of the pearly gates when we die and face judgment. This is based off of Elder Scotts talk, the transforming power of Faith (or something to that effect). So I resolved to align my character with the principles of the gospel as best as I could. So i'm putting that out in the cyber-blog world so you all can hold me to it! Whoever you are. Cheers.