Sometimes I wonder if this is more a running blog than anything else. While my love for running does not need to be restated, you will have to excuse my repeated references to running or my beginning a thought with, "while running today," because frequently my most impressionable thoughts or insights come to me while i'm running. Such as this morning.
As I near graduation and face the reality of moving away from BYU I am faced with a decision. Do I continue to be active in the church and fight the urge to date guys, or do I move to a new city and start a new chapter in my epic homo-saga and be open with myself. I have gone full-steam-ahead with both ideas. One day I'm set on going back to my fully invested mormon self, and the next I've convinced myself it's time to join the local gay club. In essence I am scared to get new shoes. Will I hurt myself by breaking out of my habitual life? Am I missing something by not? Will life be better, worse, or the same? Will I wish I'd never changed due to unrepairable damage? I DON'T KNOW! Unlike shoes, there is no going back. I can't say I'm gay one day and two weeks later take it back. Life does not give full refunds. I'm stuck with my half-worn pair of shoes that I'll never be able to use again. So what do I do my friends? What has your experience taught you?
I bought multiple pairs of the same shoe the other day and the teller looked at me and asked, somewhat hesitantly, "are these the same?" I just smiled and replied, "yep." Clearly she wasn't a runner. Unfortunately I don't have multiple lives to wear out, I get one shot at this. Here's to hoping I make the right decision.