So how do I figure these things out? I have no blasted idea! I suppose that is why I started this blog in the first place (maybe I should read back and make sure), but as you can see I kinda failed at that too. It feels like I am wearing the physiological running shirt that says, "I ran this town, then moved on." It's true. I don't think about being gay near as often as I did before, it doesn't occupy my thoughts, or influence me in ways it previously had. It appears that I have set my sights on being a successful professional single guy with fancy toys and expensive cars. This may sound great to some, but it is not what I want. I really don't want to be single my whole life, I would love to have someone to be with, someone to live with, and someone to share my life with, guy or girl I don't care I just want someone. Now, obviously I do care, I'd love that individual to be a guy, because i'm attracted to such. But, the idea of just having a companion is what I'm afraid i'm loosing. I don't want to live the life as car on an interstate, passing through a city seeing nothing but the sound barricade. I want to run that city, exploring, seeing, smelling, and enjoying the journey. How do I get that dream back?
I often tell myself it will change when I leave here, but I'm not so sure. I'm afraid i'm building mental barriers that are going to be difficult to deconstruct, preventing me from embracing a companion. I wonder if I am a unique case in this thinking. I'd imagine not, but it is really starting to concern me. But until the day comes when this all makes sense in my brain, I'll run this town again.