Sunday, December 11, 2011

I have enormous amounts of homework and studying I should be doing in preparation for finals, but sometimes you just need to rest and take your mind off of things.  It has been quite some time since my last post and a lot of things have happened.  Nothing terribly exciting but one you all might find interesting.

Thing #1
One of my best friends just up and asked me if I was gay, I told her yes and then quickly told one of my other best friends who happens to be her best friend.  I did this because I knew they would talk and I thought she should hear it from me.  I'll be honest, that day sucked, and the day after that.  I had never felt like such a failure.  Failure at life, failure at church, failure at school etc.  Now two of my friends who thought of me as an upstanding church goer now have their perception forever tainted.  I know they'll still love me and all that jazz, but now anything I do will have a annotation that says "gay." That was several weeks ago.  I'm over the initial shock of the ordeal, but I can't talk to either of them the same yet.  I hope one day that changes.

Thing #2
I've also met a few more gay guys.  One of my best friends introduced me to two of his gay friends a few weeks back.  One of which is in a similar situation as I am as far as family, friends, and church is concerned.  According to my friend both of the guys later asked him if I was really gay.  Apparently I'm not very convincing.

Thing #3
Ski season is finally upon us!  I went skiing for the first time this season! That's all I have to say on that topic.

Thing #4
My birthday happened.  A lot could be said about this day, but I don't want to divulge too much information, suffice it to say it was fun.

Thing#5
I got a new apartment.  I will soon have my own room, finally.  I am also getting a new ward which I am looking forward too.  A fresh start where nobody knows me.

I'm sure there is much more exciting things that happened the past few weeks, but I can't think of them.  I'm still the same guy trying to survive college and navigate the rest of my life.

1 comment:

  1. Thing #1 - I am so sad that you feel like a failure. There are many, many things that one can be a failure for having done or failed to have done. But being gay does NOT make you a failure Truce. You don't know me from Adam, but please believe me on this point.

    Thing #2 - My friends were also, for the most part, very surprised to find out I was gay. Their wives, well that was another thing. They were like "duh". That's part of my struggle. I don't fit in the straight world. I don't fit in the gay world. I don't fit anywhere.

    Thing #3 - I bought a season pass this year. I am going to ski for the first time in six seasons I think. Wish me luck. Now if it would just snow in Northern California!

    Thing #4 - Happy birthday.

    Thing #5 - Happiness is the privacy of your own bedroom.

    Did I mention YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. You are way too young to have failed. I am right and you are wrong on this point. Please don't do that to yourself.

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