Why the Decadence?

I don't expect my challenges to be unique to me, nor do I assume that I'm the only one struggling along the straight and narrow path.  But sometimes you share what your dealing with to relieve the pressure within oneself and perhaps help another.  I choose to divulge my feelings on this blog (apparently not very often) because I'm not in a situation to share these issues with my friends or those around me.  For those of you joining us for the first time, I'm a twenty-somthing senior at BYU who is gay just trying to figure life out.   I struggle keeping gay friends.  Apparently I'm not "very gay" and consequently I'm not in touch with my sensitive side.  Often my friends--gay and straight alike--are hurt by my disinterest in hanging out with them.  I enjoy hanging out with friends but I also enjoy my time alone doing my own thing.  I'm upfront about this part of my personality, but eventually everybody seems to expect more out of the relationshi...

I'm pretty sure it was on a Nike T-shirt somewhere; I saw this phrase, "I run this town."  Of course it was a running shirt implying the obvious, but for some reason the phrase has stuck with me.  In the case of every town or city I have lived in, I really have 'run' it.  Provo, for example has seen me running on almost every road, street, or pathway during my stent here at BYU.  I know where everything is, and how far about things are.  It is interesting just how much you notice and are able to recall when you pass something repeatedly and slowly (as oppose to a car).  Sometimes I wonder if my approach to being gay is more of an auto-oriented perspective than that of a runner.  I pass things quickly, mentally or physically, and try not to think about it much.  But in so doing I have discovered that I don't understand my personal stance on MY sexuality.  It seems weird, but it's true.  It is a thought I have trained my self to ignore on ...

Well it sure has been a while in fact, I almost forgot I had this blog.  Much has happened in the past (however, long it has been) but not really much on the gay front.  That really isn't that surprising due to the fact, that there is never anything happening on my gay front.  But I just had the urge to put some thoughts down in an attempt to figure out how I feel. Life is good.  I'm in top physical shape (I hope to run my fastest marathon yet in just a few weeks).  My grades are fantastic, and my academic pursuits are looking great.  I have a good job and great friends.  I have heard the stories of many gay individuals here and around the world.  I hope everyone can see the good in life and I hope everyone knows I'm pulling for them, we're all in this together.