Why the Decadence?

My best friend is proposing to his girlfriend tomorrow.  It is an elaborate scheme which is guaranteed to bring all parties involved to tears.  Except me, I don't cry, ever.  I'm happy for him, it's an exciting step in his life. Marriage is doctrinal benchmark most LDS men anxiously look forward to.  All the advice and teachings we receive here at BYU are centered around the life changing event of marriage.  We are all promised a happiness we can not yet imagine, a love that can withstand the strongest of trials, a life with children that will make us forever stronger in the gospel, a closer relationship with our Father in Heaven and his Son, and most importantly, a place in the celestial kingdom.  It sounds exciting, I can't wait! Oh right, what about me?  What about the fat kid and fat-camp that didn't loose any weight?  Is he doomed to a diet of twinkies, bacon, and cake for the rest of his gluttonous life?  Maybe he can try again next...

I wrote this post almost a year ago and just discovered it in my archives.  I found I have maintained the opinions expressed below. [DISCLAIMER: The following is written with the assumption that the modal temptation for gay LDS men is sex, including all facets.] The band All Time Low inspired the title of this humble blog.  Their song Poison contains the line , "I've got a road, and it leads to decadence."  It has become a favorite of mine, the phrase, not the song.  Although, the song contains a message I find myself relating to more frequently than I care to recall. As I have become more aware of my homosexuality I have been introduced to temptations of varying types and severity.  When sixteen and sitting in Priests quorum I never conceived I would encounter such thoughts as these, nor did I expect them to frequently re-assert themselves into my life once I had.  Do I sound bitter?  Because I'm not.  Do I feel I have it more di...

I run a lot.  So much so, people worry.  They question my sanity, health, and basic cognitive capabilities.  Usually people look at me much like a child looks at broccoli when they first hear of my exercise habits.  When I meet, shall we say, less enthusiastic runners the conversation generally goes something like this: Concerned citizen:  "How far did you run?" Me:  "Oh, about 10 miles." Surprised citizen:  "Woah. . .uh. . .Why?!" Me:  "That's all I had time for"  (I've perfected this response) Shocked citizen:  "How long does it take you?" Me:  "About 1 hour 15 minutes." Baffled citizen:  "Gross, why?!" etc. etc. etc. It's a vicious cycle. While the exclamatory is almost certain to change the general reaction is quite the same.  Even my family who is accustom to my running still occasionally gives me the child-broccoli stare.  So why do I run? It's simple.  When I was a young hormonal te...

It's been a while since I have posted.  In fact I had to break into my own blog because I couldn't remember my login info, but alas I am back.  For those of you just joining us, or those of you who forgotten all about me and am surprised when this shows up on your updated blog listings, here is the rundown.  Last semester ended well, the summer was a party (I still have my tan) this semester is crazy, and yes I'm still gay.   At least I think so. Today, was a first.  OK not actually a first but it's been a while.  I thought to myself, "maybe I can date and marry a girl."  It was a strange feeling and a thought I haven't put much effort into for quite a while.  The issue has been weighing on my mind all day (the whole past 3 hours) so I started thinking what I would have to do to make that happen.  I quickly overheated my brain with this new avenue of development that I have paused to write. I came home after class, which is odd because I u...